by Linda | May 17, 2011 | my creative journal
So I’ve been on a bit of a rampage – creating lots of girl characters. I’m just letting myself go and creating what I like…even if it’s cute and simple. It all started when I decided to blow up one of my ATC sketches onto a canvas board. I actually started coloring with Copic markers and while waiting for it to dry, started on more boards. In the end, I realized it’s a huge ink suck to use markers, so started painting them up. Normally I wouldn’t be going assembly-line style…but I just couldn’t hold in the sketches! So here’s a little peek of a few girls, but whole room is filled with them 🙂
Hope everyone is doing well and btw, yesterday was Love a Tree Day and I created a cute illo that is posted on www.hollyknitlightly.com – check it out and leave some love! Until next time!
by Linda | May 14, 2011 | my creative journal
I’m sure that most people have heard of the book, The Artist’s Way (link to the copy I bought on Amazon)
…at least people in the creative arts field. It seems to come up all the time and it’s no surprise, since more than 2 million copies have been sold…printed in 30+ languages all over the world. Most of the artists and bloggers out there have mentioned it being in their library and it has been recommended more than once to me.
I kept hearing about it…this guide to embracing your creativity and how it’s a must read. I have to admit that I didn’t really look into much at first, but then the title kept popping up in conversation, in passing, in recommendation by people I really admire. So I was constantly reminded of the book and at some point went ahead and ordered it online. Of course, I have the bad habit of ordering books immediately, with that rush of excitement and spark. But taking forever to actually get to reading them. Oops.
I obviously should learn some more self-control! But I love reading.. getting lost into a different world… and in nowadays I really enjoy self-help books. It’s taken me a while to actually start, but I am finally reading through The Artist’s Way.
I’m making the commitment to myself to get through the 12 weeks of chapters (theory+practice). I suppose that is why I’m blogging about it.
Saturdays will be my check-in days, to record my thoughts, reflect on my learnings and keep myself accountable, most of all. At the same time, I like the idea of sharing my experience, in hope that others might be inspired, might be aided in some way.
THE BEGINNING
When I read the introduction, I honestly felt super uncomfortable. I had obviously not looked into the details of the book before making the purchase…an aspect I miss about actually going into a bookstore and flipping through a book before buying. Of course, the subtitle “Creativity as a Spiritual Practice” should have registered with me in some way. Cameron writes from a spiritual perspective referring to the Creator at times, even if the book is practical in the sense of teaching a course with practical exercises and tips/tools. For some reason, I had just not expected all the talk of spirituality and it sort of freaked me out. Umm, maybe I made a mistake. Just listening to the masses again, thinking I have to do what they do. Ugh. I’m just a sheep in the herd.
I kept reading and realized that I’ve always been a bit uncomfortable with spiritual-esque talk, because I grew up in a different type of atmosphere.
But I’ve come to realize that we all find faith in our own way, whether in an organized group or going solo. Because I don’t hear it often in conversation, mentioning God and referring to Him sort of rings an extra bell for me…it’s just a different thing I’m not used to. I was determined to work through it though…I didn’t want to give up. Cameron sort of addresses my concerns when she writes that she is not asking me to believe in this or that… she see’s creativity as a spiritual experience, so obviously she is writing about it from her perspective.
As I continued to read, I started feeling like she knew exactly how I felt. The examples she brought up and issues a creative will face…yup, that’s me.
I really love how she wrote that “even if we look like functioning artists to the world, we feel we never do enough and what we do isn’t right.” Yes, yes! That’s how I feel! And the fears that we face…those hideous thoughts like “If you haven’t done it by now you never will…” – yes, they do plague my minds at times.
When someone is able to articulate your same feelings so well, you relate to them, acknowledge them and usually end up listening for more. I was also really touched by Cameron’s personal story of how and why she started down the artist’s way. She was a creative that was already amazingly successfully, but she realized that her life was a torturous chain of ups and downs. Creativity came and went and it was a painful existence. From necessity, she had to find a new creative path and it gives me hope to know that there are successful creative people out there that aren’t tortured artists! I can take a look at my journey and see glimmering points, but also lots of low, frustrating canyons of despair. Does the creative life really have to be this crazy imbalanced rocky road? I really wish it did not have to be. I want to nurture my creative side, but also live a nice simple, calm life. Seriously, I’m boring like that… in the sense that I don’t think it’s boring. I think it’s fine and dandy, darn it!
She wrote that we often resist what we most need…more words that convinced me to read onward.
As I continued, I also realized how easy the book is to read…page by page. Talk about a turnaround. I read up through the first week’s lesson and was optimistic. And to think I might not have bought this book, were I to have read the introduction at the bookstore…probably would have been scared away. I guess that is why sometimes you give people books as gifts…it’s that one step closer to getting them to pick it up and flip through!
MORNING PAGES
So, feeling like I had been opened up to a new world, the first week of morning pages went by pretty easily. I had no issues writing stream of consciousness by hand, every morning. Rambling on as I do in my mind anyway. I had certainly heard of morning pages before…everyone talks about it, eh? I thought I understood what it was all about, but you get a much clearer picture when reading the book. Why you really need to do them, dare I say religiously. And so far, it has helped. It’s like venting…at least for me it is right now. Maybe I’m just riding on the high of the beginnings of a project? We’ll have to wait and see.
I wrote every morning and although sometimes it wasn’t the first thing I did – got to take the puppy out and let everyone get ready and go off on their day. But then the house was quiet and I was able to write away…before continuing my day as normal. It really doesn’t take long and I feel better. I suppose it’s like talking to a good friend about things, but with morning pages you are talking to yourself or whoever…but no one ever has to know and you never have to read it again either. Sort of nice to have that outlet.
ARTIST DATE
The outings prove a bit harder for me to get to, since I’m pretty much at home and in this neighborhood all the time. I don’t drive here in Italy (not yet) and don’t really get out that much by myself. The only exception is walking my puppy. Since I’ve had Vash, I’ve noticed how nice it is for me to just get out and take a walk. I’ve been forced to do it, but it’s been a good thing. So more than anything else specific…I just take walks, sometimes take my camera to enjoy some photography and have a relaxing time outdoors. I understand the idea of artist dates…so perhaps I will just have to get creative in terms of nurturing my artist self. There are many ways to do it…
THOUGHTS
So after the first week, I feel like I’ve done a 180 from my original impression of the book. Although I understand that not everything works for everyone…learning new things is always beneficial. You take what you can from the lesson and apply it to your own unique situation and life. I know that people seen to either love this book or hate it. I feel that I will be able to learn and grow from this book, so I’m moving on ahead with it. I’m grateful to be able to have this book and to have the time to work through it. So I’m optimistic.
Related:
by Linda | May 13, 2011 | my creative journal
I realize the title is not exactly professional business-sounding. But I think it does illustrate the fact that marketing is such a fuzzy wuzzy topic for many creatives. I mean, we sort of know what it means and people think of advertising perhaps. But seriously it gets blurry as you start to talk about branding and such. These past few weeks have been slow on my creative business front and honestly I have just been lazy and fearful. After getting my media kit ready, I outlined some weekly marketing tasks for myself and even started a list of people to contact and things to do. But I soon found myself afraid to take those steps and feeling like there were all these obstacles in my way.
Even though the weeks have passed, I haven’t approached any blogs or submitted my work anywhere. I am still so afraid of rejection, of being ignored…imagining that reviewers would see my stuff and just laugh out loud. The thought makes me shudder and I already feel so small and meek. It’s amazing how one could feel so proud and energized one moment, then down in the dumps and so vulnerable the next moment. I am a crazy pendulum of emotions aren’t I? I allowed myself time to think and calm my nerves.
Marketing is simply about promoting myself. People have to know of me to do business and perhaps buy my products. There are many different ways to accomplish “getting out there,” of course. What about this branding talk? I like how BAM puts it… it’s simply your reputation. So everything you do contributes to your reputation as a creative business. Just make sure you are living up to who you want to be in everything you do, create and offer. Okay, that all makes sense to me and my lists of tasks help to get my name out and designs out there into the world. Obviously, I need to try them out to see what works the best. What attracts the most people to my blog or converts people to support me through my shops, etc. Okay, so I obviously am okay with the concepts and tasks…it’s just the fear stopping me in my tracks, so I’ll never figure out what works.
I am finding it really hard to overcome the fear of failure and rejection. Even though I can tell myself that I am no worse off if nothing becomes of my efforts. I guess, it would just be a blow to my ego. It’s always personal when someone dismisses your work. Let’s be honest here…especially with creative work, you can’t just say business is business. It’s amazingly difficult to me to not feel anything. I suppose you always feel something, it’s just learning how to deal with the fact that not everyone will like you – no matter what. Just as how not everyone is your friend in life. Oh, woe is the reality of things…the sting of rejection will never cease to exist. But it thankfully the pain passes over time. I suppose I just need to stock up on Snickers bars for comfort food!
Besides staring out into the countryside and pondering a lot this week, I did start a Greeting Card Universe Shop, but the review times take so long, I lost my momentum. I should not have let it stop me in my tracks…I know. However, I do like that the community is active there and I’m able to see my work on greeting cards…something I just adore – practically collect them! I plan to purchase my own card designs, so in a way it’s like a printer service so that my correspondence also promotes my own work. That’s one way to spread the word…just live and breathe your own work. Don’t think it’s presumptuous to use your own stuff and talk about it – something I am slowly learning to do. It’s about having pride for your work, not aggressively shoving it into the faces of others. 😛
I also revived my digital stamp shop, finally figuring out how to use Zen cart. Another thing I need to figure out is how to make all my work cross-over properly. I love papercrafting, but often the audience is completely different for those who like scrapbooking and cardmaking. That’s why I have a completely different blog BacktoPaper for those interests and in a way it’s like living two lives 🙂 I certainly need to focus, but I don’t want to lose all those other things I seriously enjoy doing. I simply can’t focus in the sense of reducing down my number of passions. I can’t fight my nature, but I also realize I can’t do it all. I am always in the quest for balance and sometimes I think it is a wobbly adventure – you just move a bit here and there to stay balanced. So I really need to get my butt into gear and act upon my marketing tasks…not just researching and making plans. After getting the foundations of your business complete, you must go forward creating and marketing – always! Although I still feel the butterflies when thinking about submitting my work…I think I have found the courage in myself, my support groups and ultimately my thirst for success – to take the leap – no matter what. I hope to report back next week with much more progress. Ciao ciao!
by Linda | May 9, 2011 | my creative journal
If you follow the blog, you might have noticed me going through lots of ups and downs. I’m certainly progressing in some respects, but often feel stuck as well.
Of course, obstacles in art and life in general, help us to grow. I think challenges force us to find a way through it…so we have to learn something new, change and/or adapt to the times ultimately. I guess it’s just a way of thinking. When you come upon obstacles, think about how they can contribute to your journey as you go along. You might be facing a huge brick wall, but how can you break through, go around or climb over it to continue onward?
If you think about it in a Zen kind of way, I suppose these blocks or hurdles along the path, slow us down a bit so we can access the situation around us. Winding our way along a unique path, sometimes we might steer a bit this way or that, adjusting our course to the times. Sometimes you go a bit backward to go around a different bend. It actually makes sense and certainly doesn’t seem like such a grave situation when you step back and think of your journey in that way. You aren’t really stuck…just stopping a moment to reflect.
I’ve been feeling a bit silly posting about my ups and downs here on the blog. I guess I’ve been worrying a bit. I mean, some might think I’m just a crazy, overdramatic or oversensitive person. Not everyone shares the same amount of information through their blogs…I just happen to share a lot of troubles as well as creative work and ideas, because when my mind is full, it helps me to write it out. There are many who blog just positive stuff and successes, when they are feeling good. No issues with that, but I find blogging about my troubles helpful to me and I hope that my little revelations – if you can call it that – help others as well. I don’t think there’s an artist out there that doesn’t admit to having fears and doubts about their work. I guess, I’m just putting it out there. I don’t claim to know it all and sort of want to show that it’s okay to be a bit up and down. To be learning still, growing still, figuring it all out still. I am still in the beginnings of my journey, maybe that is why it’s a bit rocky…but maybe it will always be this way. I don’t know yet and I shouldn’t have to worry about it. Maybe life is this way, but people just don’t point it out. Perhaps, the more experience you have, the more you are able to handle your emotions and feelings. Maybe it isn’t a big deal anymore after a while?
Pondering about my specific obstacles and fears these days, I ultimately realized that it was all in my head. All these worries are elaborate imaginary circumstances that I have created. Or perhaps my Inner Critic has created. If my art sucks then I’m not going to be recognized or sell or succeed in any way and I’m going to die a sad little undiscovered soul…boo hoo. I’m totally reminded of a high school friend who was plagued by the what if scenarios of life. And because these obstacles are imaginary they actually are difficult to resolve. How can you resolve something that isn’t real?! I had to remind myself of the passion I have in my dreams and to just do it. I often rant on about to others…just doing it…because I feel like so many great things are lost because people just don’t take action. A great idea pops up, but they don’t even try and accept failure. I suppose my gung-ho nature is really American can-do. I love that.
So the main take-away thoughts in my mind today…as I scurry along my creative journey:
- I know that I’m not alone in my feelings. And somehow, knowing that makes me feel a bit better.
- I know that my fears are not valid and just stuff I’ve conjured up in my mind. So obviously I can’t solve something that isn’t even a real problem.
- I know that I have issues with uncertainty. I am still a practical person and I’ve always done things I’m sure of. So much confidence that I am sure it will work or I will succeed. Even though…I didn’t really KNOW know… anything could have happened. So it was all about confidence to get me into action, that’s all. There was really no certainty. It was confidence to just do.
- I have failed before and it certainly didn’t feel good. But I’m okay now and I can actually note how those failures turned into a different success or opportunity. Concrete examples. So…failure is actually productive – imagine that?! I have to remind myself of those good things, because we often only remember the horrible tragic failure parts…silly Inner Critic! Just shut up!
- So when I think of my mega fears the possible worst outcomes…it doesn’t seem so freaky anymore.
- Instead I think of best outcomes and that is certainly motivation.
- Fears are not valid obstacles because they are just that…fears…not real stuff. Made-up stuff.
- It takes a bit of pep talk to get through it all, so find yourself support. Everyone needs motivation and everyone needs a little bit of cheering up at times.
I guess that writing on my blog is a bit of support for myself. Getting it out there. Thanks.
by Linda | May 4, 2011 | my creative journal
Although I’m definitely making progress with my creative business 101 journey, secretly setting up some things in the background related to marketing this week…I’ve also been a bit disappointed in myself at the same time. There’s so much more I could do – connections to be made, barriers to break and work to be created in the end. Does one ever feel satisfied of oneself? Okay, maybe that’s a silly question because we must in some sense… but I’m always plagued with this idea of not having enough time and wanting to get more done…and done NOW! I suppose these thoughts stem from looking at my pile of random works…
For some reason, these works are on loose papers, not doodlings or ideas written in my art journals. Just pieces floating around from experiments and random musings. Maybe I had a flash of inspiration or wanted to try something out. I haven’t thrown them away, but don’t know what to do with them at the same time. So it’s all stuffed in a file folder, stacked here or there. What a mess!
Do you have work that is just lying around? I’ve pondered throwing it all away, because perhaps it’s just a burden…I should be moving on to the next thing. But then I wonder if I should bind it as an art journal…for inspiration at a later time or just for keeping like other journals. I’m not one that often flips through my old journals, so I’m not sure if it is worth it. I’m just not sure…still growing and changing all the time as an artist. But it started bothering me for some reason…seeing the stack of unfinished work. Things that could have been something…but now are just nothing. Does this even make sense?
I suppose if your work is creative, but you have fun with creative work at the same time, it can be challenging to create with no end in purpose. With no product in mind, you are just playing…but then it also seems like you are not working and that just doesn’t sit right. Again, plagued by the thought that I should be working more because I’m so far from my goals perhaps. Sure we have to play a little, but seeing a huge of stack of play versus no stack of work…well, I guess it got to me. I let myself play because that is part of the freedom of working at home and building your own business. So I ended up just played more…taking my old watercolor girl cut-outs and collaged them into pieces.
I don’t know why I can’t shake this negative feeling of having unfinished stuff. Not being able to move on as I want to. I want results darnit! Even though in creative work people always say you shouldn’t think about that. But if it’s your job, it’s sort of necessary. There’s got to be a balance between creative floofy lovey dovey stuff and the business practical I need to eat thing. 🙂
Balance…that’s what I need. It still plagues me…or perhaps that is too strong of a word. But to this day I still remember one of professors writing in my final critique that I need to find balance. Jeepers…I am I so apparently imbalanced?
Even thought I allowed myself to play it all out, after collaging madly, the girls still don’t seem finished to me. More unfinished work play whatever…
It was definitely fun and I still like looking at them. It’s cute, they are cute…oo…ahh… but in the end, yet again, random floating pieces just lying on my desk.
I should note that the photos are all perspective distorted because I snapped photos of them at an angle on my desk. They look wonky, eh? Well, besides confirming the fact that I get glue just about everywhere when breaking out that bottle, I also learned that my watercolor girls started bleeding when the gel medium got brushed on top. I also noticed that the dried glue I smeared all over gives an interesting resist texture. Finally, I realized this uber heavy painting paper by Fabriano is lovely to paint on. I suppose this week, I just learned some new things…so it’s not all play after all. Sigh. Well, I hope everyone is having a great week and progressing in one way or another! Until next time…ciao ciao.
